I think I found it everyone. The worst movie of 2017.
Synopsis: Armed with only a handful of clues, the brothers resolve to find the mystery man in what results in a wild road trip of discovery and revelations—about their mother, themselves and each other. (Warner Bros.)
Starring: Owen Wilson, Ed Helms, and Glenn Close
Writer: Justin Malen
Director: Lawrence Sher
Rating: 14A (Canada)/R (United States)
Running Time: 113mins
For showtimes and more, check out Father Figures on movietimes.com.
Father Figures is garbage. Any other synonym for garbage fits too. An incoherent, unfunny mess from start to finish. The movie follows Peter (Helms) and Kyle Reynolds (Wilson), two schmucks who go in search of their biological father because Peter thinks his “real” dad is an actor from Law and Order. That is the set up to this movie, a crude, overbearing disarray of attempts at comedy. Father Figures might be one of the worst movies I’ve seen in the past couple of years, and I watched both Fifty Shades of Grey films.
There were some positives here. Near the end of the movie, Ed Helms and Owen Wilson pick up a hitchhiker (Katt Williams) who was kind of, sort of funny. Father Figures also stars Hall of Fame Quarterback Terry Bradshaw as one of the potential dads, and he looked like he was having fun in his role so that’s a plus. Everything else about this movie is bad. Helms, who starred in one of the most underrated comedies of the past few years in Vacation, is almost unwatchable. His character is an uptight, annoying man who gives prostate exams by day and binge watches Law and Order by night. Wilson is the polar opposite brother, a hang-loose free spirited surfer bro who made a fortune modeling for barbecue sauce labels, he’s equally annoying.
The whole movie thinks that the premise of sexual excess is funny. Half of the jokes are men bragging about how good of a lover Peter and Kyle’s mom was. It’s supposed to be funny because she’s real old. The majority of the jokes are just seniors talking about sex. I know, hilarious. J.K. Simmons and Christopher Walken, supposedly needing a paycheque, also have roles as potential fathers! The big emotional scenes are some of the cringiest (Ed Helms has 20/20 vision and he’s been wearing glasses for 20 years to seem cool is played as a big character realization moment?) and have no weight to give anything meaning. Father Figures has the recurring motif of how the universe doesn’t grant your wishes and you have to figure it out yourself or something like that. Subplots are a plenty in this, and they’re either abandoned or magically resolved because of this “universe”. One of the worst of the bunch is an incest subplot where Ed Helms has a one night stand, but the woman he slept with might be his sister, and they meet again at his potential father’s funeral the next day. You can’t make this up. A major plot twist also comes up at the end that just comes out of nowhere, and given the rest of the movie as context makes zero logical sense, so be warned.
Overall, Father Figures is a despicable, unfunny movie that tries to coast off the charisma of the cast that fails in every conceivable way. If the family is going out to the cinema this Christmas, please don’t waste your money on this.
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