Worst Movies of 2017

It’s that time of the year again. 2017 is coming to an end for a lot of us and everybody else has posted their lists of the best and worst movies of 2017 already so it’s about time that I join in and shared mine. Out of all the movies I’ve seen this year, some were good and some, not so much. Below are the top 20 worst movies of 2017:

*click the posters for links to reviews*

20. Valerian and the City of A Thousand Planets

This was probably this year’s biggest example of style over substance. The visuals were definitely there with the film boasting an ambitious CGI-filled world full of scope and detail but we were always kept at arm’s length. Unfortunately, everything else failed to live up to the impressive visuals. The story was bad, the script was bad, and the performances were even worse. This was just a disappointment.

19. A Cure for Wellness

This movie had no business being 2.5 hours. This was a weird movie for the sake of being weird but these movies can be divisive, either people like or hate it. Obviously consider me the latter. At least it was great to look at but the extended running time made it easy to lose interest as the plot never really made any sense.

18. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Time for another lazy cash in. The Pirates of the Caribbean series is still popular and this movie will probably do fine but there was absolutely nothing new or original here. Everything about this film was lazy, especially Depp who was just going through the motions as Sparrow. Fans of the series will eat this up but after 5 movies, it’s getting old and doesn’t look to end anytime soon.

17. The Dark Tower

This was probably the most disappointing movie of the year. What was supposed to be an epic was anything but. The potential was there, however, the film failed to utilize it, having no character development whatsoever and relegating the film world to the background. Other than that, it was a standard fare action-adventure movie that simply rushed through the plot, never letting us experience the film world or connect with the characters.

16. Sweet Virginia

This was a short movie where nothing happened. Once things did begin to happen near the end, it was very difficult to care at that point. It was a slow and meandering suspense film that was both void of suspense and full of underdeveloped characters. Sure, the acting was fine for the most part but it didn’t really change anything.

15. Rough Night

This movie proved that it didn’t matter how great a cast is when the material is subpar and derivative. It wasn’t funny at all and its attempts at edgy humor just felt forced. The cast was the best part but you can’t help but to feel bad for them as something that should have been fun to watch wasn’t fun to watch at all which was disappointing to say the least.

14. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul

I hadn’t seen any movies in the series but after watching this one, that decision was justified. Again, nothing about this was original whatsoever and the cheesy dialogue and unfunny juvenile humor made it a chore to watch. At least it’s short so it moves quickly so the boredom won’t last too long. This movie felt better suited as a straight to video release instead of a wide theatrical one.

13. Power Rangers

This was the biggest disappointment this year for me. I’m a big Power Rangers fan but the film’s more serious tone felt forced and just didn’t work for me although I admit that I’m in the minority on this one. What also didn’t help was the cheesy story, terrible pacing, bad acting, and mediocre special effects. I still have hope that they can turn it around and I am still a fan.

12. Transformers: The Last Knight

The Transformers series, for the most part, has been big, loud, and silly which has been enough for some people. Why do anything different? Why even try at this point? Basically, this was simply a nearly 3 hour ridiculous explosion fest with a ridiculous story, cheesy dialogue, and mediocre performances. This movie did not do as well at the box office as previous films in the series so this may mark the end. Let’s hope that’s the case.

11. Baywatch

The movie seemed to be more interested in being crude than actually telling a story which made it boring to watch. In most cases that would be fine but it just wasn’t funny. It started off promising and just got old very fast. The acting was decent but it could not overcome the mediocre writing, regardless of how likable Dwayne Johnson is. Not every TV show needs to be made into a movie.

10. The Emoji Movie

I don’t remember ever seeing a movie get as much hate as this one got. It definitely wasn’t the worst movie of the year but don’t get me wrong, it’s bad. The whole concept of emojis does not lend to a feature length movie and it showed. The voice acting was okay but the tone deaf derivative story, below average animation, terrible script, and bad humor didn’t exactly help.

9. Birth of the Dragon

This movie committed the biggest crime of the year by making this out to be a film about Bruce Lee but in reality, giving us a completely different movie, a bland love story involving one of his students. This bait and switch upset plenty of viewers, understandably so, and the movie as a whole was a contrived, convoluted, and cheesy pseudo-action film with decent fight choreography but also with a terrible script, terrible directing, and mediocre performances.

8. The Mummy

Did this movie need to be made? Probably not but this movie was the worst of the lazy cash ins on this list, throwing many different elements at us that did not fit together at all. The production values were decent but what was on the screen was uninspired so it didn’t matter. Cruise and Crowe are big stars who sleepwalked through this one. If they didn’t care then why should we?

7. The Circle

This movie tried so hard to make a point but it failed miserably thanks to a contrived story, countless dangling subplots, mediocre writing, and underdeveloped characters that not even Emma Watson or Tom Hanks can save.

6. The Book of Henry

This was a surprise for the wrong reasons. This was a bad film from beginning to end in every regard from the writing, acting, and directing. When you think it’s going to go one way and then it abruptly becomes shifts to something else and then it does it two more times, becoming different movies that did not work at all.

5. Leatherface

Continuing the trend of movies being different than expectations, this film started interestingly enough but an abrupt time jump shifted the focus away, making it a slow moving coming of age story of the man who would become the infamous chainsaw-wielding serial killer. The journey to that point was slow, however, the story as a whole was stupid and predictable and full of stupid and unlikable characters making stupid decisions.

4. Geostorm

Expectations shouldn’t really be that high for a movie with a concept as ridiculous as this one. In other words, this would be what some people call a “popcorn flick” which will be enough for some people but there’s only so much stupid one person can take. The acting was horrendous and for a big budget “blockbuster”, the special effects were terrible. We deserve more from outpocorn flicks.

3. CHIPS

Here comes to worst comedy of the year and it wasn’t even close. Sure, a movie based on a classic TV series of the same name could work but it totally squandered the source material and gave us a lazy, unfunny, and derivative buddy action-comedy as a result. Sad.

2. The Dinner

This was just an uncomfortable and pretentious mess of a movie with a convoluted story and extremely unlikable characters that not even a decent cast can save. It was much longer than it needed to be, making it a very frustrating watch if you can even make it to the end.

1. Song to Song

Why would a movie with a cast like this even be at the top of a list like this? Because it isn’t even a movie since there was no plot to be found. It was probably trying to be profound, however, was mostly a series of stares and internal monologues for no discernable reason. The film had a great cast and was nice to look at when the camera focused on the characters but it didn’t matter as their wasted performances were lifeless and wooden as was the rest of the movie for that matter.

Keith Noakes

The EIC of the coincidentally-named keithlovesmovies.com. A Canadian who prefers to get out of the cold and into the warmth of a movie theatre.