Artemis Fowl – A Foul Fantasy Epic (Early Review)

The production of Artemis Fowl, based on the book of the same name by Eoin Colfer, was definitely tumultuous to say the least before the COVID-19 pandemic hit and changed things for just about the whole film industry. Luckily for Disney, they have their Disney+ streaming platform as a destination for the film. In general, this choice should not necessarily be interpreted in a negative way. In the end, this may prove to be the right choice as it is sure to expose it to a much larger audience as simply being another choice on an extensive platform is a much lesser risk for viewers than making the effort to see it at their local movie theatre (not that many are willing to do that at the moment). Unfortunately, the latter would have surely produced a less than favorable outcome as the film itself is a disappointing and frustratingly incoherent mess on so many levels that was not only ridiculous but a blatant waste of time.

It is clear while watching that there was so much more to this story before it was seemingly chopped into a convoluted shell of a story full of far too many gaps and holes that will more than likely make it hard to follow for many viewers. Of course those more familiar with the source material may be more at home with Artemis Fowl though that will only further limit the film’s potential audience. For the most part, the film is a chore to watch even with a strangely short running time clocking in at around the 90 minute mark. It is no doubt trying to set up some sort of film franchise (there’s 8 books in the series), this film makes absolutely no effort whatsoever at making any type of emotional connection with the characters or story whatsoever. By throwing all sort of fantasy cliches and generic fantasy jargon the audience’s way, one can’t help but roll their eyes at the sheer lack of imagination as as the film brings absolutely nothing new to the table.

Combining the stories of the first 2 books of the series, Artemis Fowl saw the young Artemis Fowl II (Shaw), the genius prodigy of of a long line of criminal masterminds, infiltrate the magical world of fairies and countless other magical creatures occuring right under our noses after the kidnapping of his father Artemis Fowl (Colin Farrell). In order to save his father, Artemis would need to use his superior cunning in devising a dangerous plan to outsmart the technologically advanced fairies and retrieve a magical item as ransom in exchange for his father’s safe return. While this may seem fine on paper, the various gaps and general convolution of the story makes it hard to care as any attempt at depth will mostly be lost on viewers. Meanwhile, character development is non-existent at best as any attempt is hurt by the rushed story which only runs counterintuitive to an alleged film franchise starter.

As mentioned, the worst part of Artemis Fowl was the script with the varying degrees of Irish accents coming in at a close second. The sheer level of cheese is tough to bare while its overwhelmingly derivative nature makes it an incredibly dull experience. Maybe there actually was a story at some point here but the many bits and pieces that remained were not enough to sustain any kind of narrative. While the chance for engaging characters could have somewhat alleviated this, this did not happen here as the unlikable Artemis made it difficult to engage with him on any emotional level. As a result, this snowballed across the remainder of the film seeing that he was the closest character to see any type of character development. The remainder of the characters were unremarkable and mostly one-dimensional and/or served as exposition machines.

Being a Disney film, Artemis Fowl certainly had their weight behind it budget-wise. The special effects, while not revolutionary, are the best part of the film. From the sets, to the magical creature CGI, and all the work behind bringing the magical creature world to life, the visuals were something to behold but they were essentially meaningless in the grand scheme of the entire film. Though all of this will likely hold more significance to those familiar with the source material, again, it was hard to care about any of it while being bored by the story. Along those lines, the actors, for the most part, seemed disinterested. However, this wasn’t necessarily their fault as the script and direction did not do anyone any favors. Although Shaw shows some charisma and screen presence in what was his first acting role as Artemis, it is wasted on an unlikable character. Meanwhile, Farrell is wasted as Artemis’ father and Josh Gad is obnoxious as a dwarf named Mulch Diggums while Dench is saddled with a painful accent as Commander Root.

At the end of the day, Artemis Fowl is a disappointing film that may appeal to die-hard fans of the source material but for mostly everyone else is a dud destined to be relegated as another entry on Disney+.

still courtesy of Disney

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Keith Noakes

The EIC of the coincidentally-named keithlovesmovies.com. A Canadian who prefers to get out of the cold and into the warmth of a movie theatre.