This isn’t a movie review, a trailer post, or a contest. It’s about time that I break my silence and really talk about myself for the first time. I may have given off a certain impression here over the years but there’s another side of me that not many know about.
This website was born out of a leave of absence from the University of Ottawa as a result of credit card debt which is a different story altogether. I was encouraged to take my love of movies to the next level by putting my thoughts down in the form of a blog and the rest was history. However, that growth and the challenge in keeping up with that growth has often taken a toll on me both physically and emotionally. This has meant sacrifices that are regrettable in retrospect with the biggest one being a lack of sleep over the course of the last 7+ years. Little did I know what it would entail when I started but despite the good times, there have also been bad ones. While the passion remains, the long days and nights balancing working on the site and the remnants of a personal life has been tough. That being said, the successes have been worth it.
The major byproduct of the last 7 years has been bouts of crippling anxiety exacerbated by that lack of sleep which has in turn worsened my sleeping issues. That anxiety has inhibited just about every aspect of my life in a negative way but I am getting better at managing it. The last pandemic has created a fair share of turnover that has admittedly been difficult to overcome through with that difficulty has come opportunity for personal growth, making for a bright spot in the midst of the darkness.
However, the challenge here is avoiding the same pitfalls that led to those earlier struggles in the first place, including letting those low points and subsequent dark thoughts get to me. Ultimately, those struggles and those low points and dark thoughts still remain on occasion. In the end, I am thankful for the support system that has allowed me to confide in them over the years. This time, I thought I’d do something more and share what I’ve been going through in more of a formal way. I’m not sure if many of you are still reading but either way, this post has been liberating.
Adding to those issues and perhaps worsening them further, is a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, an autoimmune disease where one’s immune system attacks nerve casings in the brain, almost two years ago. This news may come as a shock to many who I am close with, some already know, but the thought of sharing this diagnosis has been a point of contention internally and I am sorry to those who may feel blindsighted by my withholding of that information. The big reason for not mentioning it publicly until now was the wanting to not be treated differently. However, I realize it would be impossible to keep this a secret forever.
For those wondering how it came to be, I’ve had it for a long time where it mostly laid dormant. An incident a few winters ago where I tripped and fell on my face after misinterpreting the depth of an unplowed sidewalk. My glasses were foggy because of the mask I was also wearing at the time. At least that’s my belief. I didn’t break my nose or anything like that which was a relief though I did scratch the lenses of those glasses. However, a few months later, I thought my prescription changed because I was experiencing blurry vision in my right eye. Once an optometrist told me that this was not the case, I was referred to an ophthalmologist who discovered that the optical nerve in my right eye was inflamed. An MRI as part of the treatment for my eye discovered the MS which was thankfully caught early.
Though there isn’t a cure at this moment, I am currently taking medication to help with symptoms. They’ve been thankfully minimal at best but it’s hard to know for sure when accounting for all the issues mentioned above. I’m still reasonably functioning and have been going to the hospital monthly for tests and follow-ups which has been stressful but the hospital staff have been the best with me.
So that’s it in a nutshell. I may be tired, a bit depressed, and a bit anxious but I’m feeling okay. At the end of the day, I have no intention in stopping with this website and trying to make it the best it could be. Though we may be a few years removed from our heyday, I still believe we can get there. As far as I’m concerned, I just have to figure out the right way to get there but I’m not going to give up.
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The EIC of the coincidentally-named keithlovesmovies.com. A Canadian who prefers to get out of the cold and into the warmth of a movie theatre.
