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Keith Noakes

I have a particular set of skills .... which are mostly talking about movies and TV shows.

Thunder Buddies For Life (Ted 2 Review)

That foul-mouthed, drug abusing teddy bear that we loved from the first movie is back for more. The film picks up 6 months after the first film with Ted and his best friend John still friends before Ted is about to get married and John is feeling down after having been in a divorce. Once married, it isn’t what he imagined. With his relationship in trouble, his solution is to have a baby. Little did he know that the government would soon recognize how he’s been living his life as a person. When his personhood comes into question, he now has to fight to maintain his marriage and for his own civil rights. Ted, John, and new for this film, a young female lawyer Samantha L. Jackson (obvious joke alert) must sue the state of Massachusetts in order for Ted to be recognized as a person while Ted tries to find someone for John.

If you’ve seen the first film, you won’t be surprised by this one. You’ll get all the dirty, homophobic humor that was in the first Ted or from any episode of Family Guy. This film still seems to have the charm that the first one had. I also enjoyed the opening musical sequence of the movie as well. Some may not be a fan of the humor in this film as it could easily be considered offensive. I don’t know what that says about me but I liked it. I wasn’t a fan of Seth MacFarlane’s earlier film “A Million Ways to Die in the West” but this one has the right amount of stupid but doesn’t take it too far.

Sure there aren’t as many jokes in this as the first film so they chose to take what they had and stretched it over the film’s running time at almost 2 hours (which could have been shorter).  The film occasionally suffers from an identity crisis, it wavers between a social commentary about one’s civil rights and an extended Family Guy episode but doesn’t do enough of either. I did like what I saw but I just wished that there was more of it. I believe it could definitely have gone without a few minor plot lines for I believe that they took away from the main story and added to the unnecessary length. I won’t mention the few cameos in the film other than that there is one noteworthy one that you will definitely not expect but will definitely remember. Overall, it’s not a bad film but I thought it could have done more. I liked this one just as much as the first film but not more. If you are looking for a comedy, I would recommend Spy with Melissa McCarthy. It happens to be my favorite comedy of the year and also one of the best overall movies.

Score: 7/10

If you liked this, please read my other reviews here.

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Fallout 3 Playthrough Part 1

I was feeling nostalgic today so I decided to start a new game in Fallout 3. First I had dinner (I am just going to be pretentious and post a picture of my food).

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The start of the game was exactly how I remembered. That song, “I don’t want to set the world on fire” started playing and I started getting chills. I don’t know what it is about that song that gets me so excited. Maybe it was when I heard it for the first time when I saw a commercial for the game before it initially came out and thought how perfectly it suited the game.

The tutorial/vault sequence was fun. My character was being born. Funny how the doctor didn’t know whether I was a boy or girl, I think he should have learnt this at medical school. I chose my race which was black because I felt like being opressed. My face, my hair and other features where just presets because I wasn’t feeling too creative at the time. It was interesting because I never played as a black character before. Also for choosing a black character, the father character becomes black as well.

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What made this extra special was that since the character is voiced by Liam Neeson, that makes Liam Neeson black. His voice does not match his character (I assume you know what Liam Neeson’s voice sounds like). So I started off as a black baby crawling to my father. I then had my 10th birthday party where I got my pip-boy which was awesome, I got a sweetroll from Old Lady Palmer, and then spit on it before giving it to Butch (the asshole bully living in the same vault as me). My dad and Jonas gave me a BB gun which I used to shoot targets and radroaches which wasn’t too difficult. I turned 16 and had to take my G.O.A.T (Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test) so I can get my work assignment but before that I had to defend Amata, the vault overseer’s daughter, from Butch and his new gang called the Tunnel Snakes (douches). I started fist-fighting them and then they quickly just gave up and left. After that I entered the classroom to take the test. This is how I did it:

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I ended up becoming a vault chaplain. I didn’t really get a chance at it because I became 19 as soon as I left the classroom. All hell ensued when my father left the vault for some unknown reason that seemed to piss off the overseer which led him to kill Jonas and send his guards after me.

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The overseer’s daughter, Amata, warned me about what was happening and about the guards coming for me. She said she would help me and then meet me near the vault exit but she really didn’t do anything. Near the overseer’s office, I had to stop some guards from attacking her. To get out, I had to hack the overseer’s computer and open a tunnel under his desk. When I got to the exit, I had the option to change my race. I changed it because I had a sudden realization that the world was not ready for a black wanderer. I was afraid that people would get the wrong impression. It was dark when I got out.

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This is what my character (minus clothes) looks like outside.

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When I got out, I did what any reasonable person would, I started exploring the Capital Wasteland. The game wanted me to go somewhere for a quest but I thought that could wait. I just wandered around in no direction in particular but I should have been paying attention because I was not alone. Little did I know, I was being attacked by boatflies and “vicious dogs”. After disposing of them, I found a town named Springvale that I did not remember from playing the game before.

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Springvale is full of decrepit, hollowed-out buildings (shocker) and this school that got my attention.

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The school was filled mostly with raiders and a dog which I disposed of using a baseball bat and a police baton. (fun fact) The basement has a locked room whose key you can get by killing the main raider guy. Inside that room has a hole in the ground that leads to a few paths which contain a lot of giant ants who all perished thanks to my aforementioned baseball bat and police baton. After exiting the building from the bottom, there are a few raiders outside but my guns and well-times head shots using V.A.T.S. took care of them. I looked at the time and then I realized that Penny Dreadful was on soon so I stopped playing.

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Hello, Hopefully it’s Me You’re Looking For

As you may (or maybe not) have noticed, I started this blog roughly 2 weeks ago. I did not think I would have made it this far but little did I know, I did. It hasn’t been easy coming up with new material every day. I wanted it to be mostly about movies but I haven’t had the chance to see to many movies lately because of work but it should get easier with summer coming up and school being done until the fall. Movies such as: Terminator Genesis, Magic Mike XXL, Minions, The Gallows, Self/less, Ant-man, and Trainwreck are coming up soon.

Continue reading “Hello, Hopefully it’s Me You’re Looking For”

I Need Someone to Lava (Inside Out Review)

I saw the movie “Inside Out” today and here are a few things I thought about it:

Continue reading “I Need Someone to Lava (Inside Out Review)”

Keep on Rocking Me Baby (Job Search Blues)

Well I’ve been lookin’ real hard
And I’m tryin’ to find a job
But it just keeps gettin’ tougher every day
But I got to do my part cause I know in my heart
I got to please my sweet baby, yeah

Steve Miller Band

(Please don’t sue me)

Continue reading “Keep on Rocking Me Baby (Job Search Blues)”

Grocery Store Etiquette (Updated)

I have worked at a grocery store for nearly 7 years. I have seen and experienced many things during that time. Some customers have been good and some customers have not been so good. They act with common sense and are reasonable. Most would come in and take a shopping cart or basket, fill it with the items in which they want, ask for help if they need it, go through a checkout and then pay for their groceries. Being a cashier, I am not often privy to any of this.

Here are a few things I have noticed (and maybe some pet peeves) over this time:

1. If you take something off the shelf and then decide that you don’t want it anymore, put it back in the general area which you got it.steve1

Continue reading “Grocery Store Etiquette (Updated)”

My Second Favorite Bear

Ever since the original Ted, I’ve been a fan of talking bears. The original Ted was a great, original comedy with smart writing and I am just a big fan of Seth MacFarlane’s voice. Ted’s voice does admittingly sounds like Peter Griffin. I thought the movie was pretty funny as a whole despite the whole growing up subplot. When I saw the trailers for the second movie, my excitement never wavered because it seems just as funny if not funnier than the first. I wasn’t a fan of Seth MacFarlane’s other movie, A Million Ways to Die in The West, I did not find it very funny but rather stupid. When I saw it, I was the only in the theater that wasn’t laughing. Despite that, I still liked Ted and I am very much looking forward to Ted 2 this Friday.

Not too long after I saw Ted, I bought an actual life-sized, talking Ted doll. I didn’t get the kid-friendly PG one but the full-fledged rated R doll who swears and says a whole bunch of bad things. Here it is in all of its NSFW glory:

My second favorite bear has to be Wikibear, a bear who appeared several times on Conan. It all started as a comedy segment. There actually is a Wikibear, a stuffed bear who answers kid’s questions by searching the web and answering them in a kid-friendly way (source). What Conan did is that his version of Wikibear always took its answers to his innocent questions and perverted them in a way that it would relate them to serial killers and death in general.

Here are all of its appearances:

Too bad the actor who did his voice left the show recently so those will be its only appearances on the show.

Sophie’s Choice

For those who don’t know, Sophie’s Choice is a book which was later turned into a movie about a man befriending a Polish couple who survived a concentration camp. The “choice” alludes to a point in the story when the woman in the couple had to choose which of her 2 children would survive.

With that said, it’s time to talk about movies. So this month will soon be coming to a close. Being summer right now means a cavalcade of blockbusters will soon follow. The first of those being a pair of popcorn munchers coming out on July 1st.

Speaking of pair, Magic Mike XXL, a much needed sequel to the feel-good, uplifting male stripper movie which came out back in 2012. No, the world didn’t end then as many of us had hoped but we were all treated with a bunch of sweaty, oily, underwear-stuffing d-bags dance around our most innocent of female representatives for 110 mins (it could have been more IMO). Speaking of coming out, that was only the window dressing for this coming of age story of a younger guy being taught how to strip, get girls, and make money. A least he didn’t have to learn the d-bag part. There were a lot of drugs, partying, angst, and most importantly male camaraderie  which I found very moving. So I am very much looking forward to watching more big, sweaty, d-bags frolicking around for another 115 mins or so.

I’ll be back to these assholes.

There is also a new Terminator movie, also known as Terminator Genesis. I am a big fan of the series (except for the first one and the one without Arnold Schwarzenegger). I think that it has to be one of the best action/sci-fi movie series ever. The second movie is like the first one with all the visuals and special effects it should have had (the budget would have something to do with that). The battle between the Terminator and the T-1000 was pretty exciting especially because I always found him quite scary due to how expressionless he always seemed to be. I’ve read that the story for this one involves John Connor sending some guy back in the past to protect/save his mother Sarah from a Terminator sent back to kill her before John is born.

(Spoiler Alert) 

The events from the previous movies kind of took care of that. Also I thing they did that I don’t like is that they’ve spoiled a big twist from the movie in one of the trailers (I obviously won’t say what it is and the trailer below is not the one with the spoiler). Despite that, my excitement for this movie has not wavered.

Now this is my Sophie’s choice, I love each of my children equally and I could just not bare having to choose one over the other. Although the choice may seem obvious to some, it is not for me. On one side, a bunch of good-looking and pretentious d-bag assholes and on the other side a pretty cool and decent looking Schwarzenegger movie. I just hope that I will have seen Jurassic World, Inside Out, and Ted 2 by then just to not make things even more confusing.

 

A Journey of Self-Discovery (Featuring: The McLobster)

I’ve already mentioned that I eat a lot of McDonald’s. I like to try everything so I don’t have the same thing twice. I’ve also mentioned the Great Canadian Taste Adventure. Now it’s time for the McLobster. Being that it is something new, I had to try it. So I did. Here’s what it looks like:

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Continue reading “A Journey of Self-Discovery (Featuring: The McLobster)”

TV Show Roundup

I spend most of my spare time watching TV shows. I don’t know why but I just seem to like everything that’s on right now. It doesn’t matter what genre it is, be it comedy, drama, reality, there is always something getting my attention. As of right now, I am watching 16 shows but during the peak period in the fall, the number could reach the 40-45 range. I will now say a few words about each of the shows I am currently watching:

Happyish

A man working at an ad agency (everyone’s heard of this one) struggles to figure out how to find happiness and finding his own place within a changing world becoming more youth-centered. The show often criticizes the direction in which society is heading often by highlighting the silliness within current events and quoting philosophers and relating their ideas to today’s world.

True Detective

A crime anthology series following a police investigation and the lives of those involved from either side of the law. I don’t know much else about it since the newest season hasn’t technically started yet but I know it takes place in California.

Penny Dreadful

A bunch of British people in London and an American come together to fight supernatural forces and the Devil. The shows pulls ideas and characters from the horror stories we all know and it works. This particular season is focusing on a coven of witches seemingly aligned with the devil and they have been paying a little more attention to the main female character.

Halt and Catch Fire

This shows dramatizes the boom of computers in the early 1980s. It follows this nerdy guy and his cool but nerdy wife, this pretentious businessman guy, and a computer prodigy. The businessman’s story now takes place away from everyone else while the wife and the prodigy are working together with their start-up online gaming company. The husband is just trying to find his place in the world while his relationship with his wife is evolving. The computer lingo is nice being a computer science major myself and the actors really play well off of each other.

Last Week Tonight

It’s just like The Daily Show but with the British guy from The Daily Show and with better writing and production values.

The Whispers

This supernatural force makes kids do weird stuff. This lady FBI agent is investigating and she is trying to figure out what “it” is and is trying to stop “it” before it destroys the world as we know it.

Murder in The First

These 2 San Francisco cops investigate a crime from beginning to end and those responsible are prosecuted from beginning to end. It’s like Law and Order if they spent a whole season following 1 case.

America’s Got Talent

I don’t think this needs much of a description.

Masterchef

This neither.

Aquarius

David Duchovny tries to find a rich girl who ran away from home with Charles Manson. There’s other stuff going on but who cares. The 1960s vibe is pretty cool too.

Wayward Pines

A Secret Service agent investigates the disappearance of 2 fellow agents in the town of Wayward Pines, Idaho. A seemingly normal looking town may not be what it seems. Will he be able to escape alive? Probably not, but I would love to be proven wrong.

Hannibal

This is probably the best show on TV right now. This show explores the relationship between renown psychiatrist, Hannibal Lecter, and FBI criminal profiler, Will Graham. It is as beautiful to look at as it is violent. It is also as superbly acted as it is written. It would be a crime to miss this.

Whose Line is it Anyway?

An improve comedy show which consistently bring home hilarity and fun. This is an older clip but it is still gold.

Real Time with Bill Maher

Comedian Bill Maher hosts a round-table show where he and his guests discuss current events. It is funny and informative.

Orphan Black

A woman discovers that she is a clone and then her and her clone sisters band together to try to discover their origin. She quickly finds herself caught in the middle of a deadly conspiracy and must race to find answers about who she is and how many others there are just like her. The actress who plays all the clones is amazing. Each clone feels so unique, you forget they are all played by the same actress. Now there are male clones and that’s just making it worse for everyone involved.

I guess this is my longest post. Hopefully you gained some interest from my quasi-reviews and I will probably talk about more TV shows in the future.

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