- David Harbour, Milla Jovovich, Ian McShane
- Andrew Cosby
- Neil Marshall
- 18A (Canada), R (United States)
- Running Time
- 120 minutes
- Release Date
- April 12th, 2019
If a movie doesn’t care, why should we?
On a personal note, it always hurts me as a writer to trash on films. No matter how boring, or how little enjoyment can be found in a film, it’s hard to not be an optimist. Most films have redeeming qualities, and it’s always an ethical struggle to find a way to review any loathsome film – but for this film, it’s easy to make an exception. Now the fact that this film is a dumpster fire shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, but the reasons as to why actually hurt as an audience member. At its core, Hellboy is a truly disgusting and offensive film. Everything about it is dirty, mean spirited and twisted. Conversely, there are films that can handle that tone well, however, this has to be one of the worst crafted films in recent memory.
To be clear, this is not a film that deserves to be reviewed off the merit of its acting, technical prowess, cinematography and the like. This is a scrambled up, messed up film that doesn’t take any care – and thus, deserves to be reviewed with the same discombobulated structure.
It is genuinely unbelievable that Hellboy appeals to anyone. There’s nothing about it that’s even remotely good. It’s not funny. It’s not entertaining. It’s not fun. In fact, the way that this film is put together is practically against all those ideas, and is set out to hurt the audience.
Movies can be gory – that’s totally fine. But, when a director uses blood spurts as an aesthetic and a way to be ‘slick’ and attempts to engage you purely through stomach-churning, vile creature designs, it’s hard to appreciate it. One of the reasons film is such a powerful medium is it can convey real human emotion, but the creators of Hellboy are simply too deranged to get this. It would even make me physically ill due to how just mean and violent it was for no apparent reason whatsoever. One must need to have a truly dark soul to come up with these garbage ideas on display here, and one must be a true bully to shove said garbage ideas down any audience members throats.
Hellboy not only doesn’t deserve your time, but doesn’t even deserve an effort-filled review. Because of how disgusted, sickening and painful it was to watch, it was nearly impossible to analyze its individual aspects. Ultimately, this is not a film one would wish upon their worst enemy.
Congratulations on reading this far. This reviewer has had enough and just like many viewers who will have the misfortune of watching this film, they will want this traumatizing disgrace to be completely wiped from their collective memories.
Personally speaking, a film has never truly elicited such a negative response within me until this one. You were all warned.
*still courtesy of VVS Films*